Monday: Tortiere

This falls under the Fambly Week umbrella; my high school best friend's mom (holla Julie!!) made the best tortiere I've ever had, and it was always awesome when I could sneak some. Unfortunately she passed before my BFF was into cooking, so her recipe was never passed on. I've tried a few commercially available ones, they just did not do it for me, so I figured I would give it a shot on my own.

This is traditionally a pork meat pie, but I wanted to try a couple of variations, see what gave the best flavour. I tried all pork, half pork / half beef and half pork / half turkey. The turkey blend just did not have enough meaty flavour, so it was between the beef and all pork. I went with the beef mixture, but I really think either would work.

You will need:

For the crust:

2 1/2 c all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 c butter, cold and UNSALTED
1/4 c lard, cold
6-8 Tbsp cold water
1 egg white

1 lb extra-lean pork
1 lb exra-lean beef (or just use all pork - it's your pie, sailor!)
10 oz potatoes, 2 medium
2 celery stalks
2 small onions
3 garlic cloves
1/4 c red wine
1/2 c beef stock
1/2 tsp each nutmeg, ground cloves, thyme
1 bay leaf
Salt, pepper

I just ate the carrot, decided not to use it. It was nummy, though!

Turkey / pork at 12, Beef / Pork at bottom right, all pork plus pork at bottom left

First, get your crust ready. It needs time to rest and break down gluten and blah blah. So, measure your flour and salt into a wide bowl, add in the cold butter and lard. Work it in with a pastry blender or two knives, until it looks like itty bitty pea / crumbs.

Make a well in the center and start adding in your cold water by the tablespoon. Swirl it with your fingers, adding enough so that it feels cohesive without being gooey. We do not ever want gooey.

Once it will hold together in a ball, break it into two balls, wrap with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 hours. Gluten blah blah destroying something or rather, make it so!

On to prep! LOTS of prep! Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Peel your potatoes, (sacrilege, I know, but I wouldn't want people wandering across a potato peel and having it throw them off completely), chop them up and bring to a boil in a pot of water. Cook for 10-15 minutes until poke-able, drain, mush and set aside. While they are boiling, chop your celery and onions into a fine dice, mince your garlic. That's not actually a lot of prep, maybe it just felt like it because I did three types. Anyway!

Cook your meat in a LARGE saucepan, breaking apart as you go. I really like it to be as fine as possible, but you may like chunky-style. It's your pie, sailor! Do as you will. Break it down somewhat, cooking until all of the pink is gone, about 8-10 minutes. Drain off the fat.

Add everything else in. Seriously, dump it all in there, including the potato. It's gonna take a little while, mix it carefully in that pan that totally looked big enough, didn't it? Bring to a boil, then cover and simmer for 25 minutes. Take the lid off and let simmer for another 5-10, until the liquid is almost all gone. Taste! Add more pepper, probably more thyme, salt, whatever. Taste again!

 

Roll out half of your dough, I suggest this awesome pie roller measuring mat, because it's pretty much idiot proof. Drape your rolled out dough over the pie plate, brush with egg white. Roll out the other half of your dough, leave it on the mat while you fill your pie.

Add in the meat filling, top with the rolled out crust.

Mush together the outside ring, make it as pretty as humanly possible. Or you-ly possible. Slice a few vents in it, brush with egg white and bake for 40-50 minutes, until golden brown and flaky-looking.

It's a happy pie!

Also a ginormous pie

Happy and now with a tan!

This worked out to 450 calories per slice, and there are 8 servings in one huge pie. That is super high, but we could still in a nice refreshing salad with this and have a little bit of dressing. Like dot it on.

Enjoy!

Chocolate Pecan Pie

I made this for Thanksgiving and it went over all right as per usual, but I couldn't help thinking that if I doubled the chocolate...AND revamped the crust...maybe it would be just that much better. So here we are!

You will need:

1 1/4 c all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 c butter, cold
2 Tbsp shortening, cold
4 Tbsp cold water
1/4 c butter (however warm you like it, no judgement)
4 oz (4 squares) unsweetened chocolate (this is not the same as dark, or super dark, or amazing dark or whatever)
2 c pecan halves, toasted
3/4 c brown sugar (because it tastes so good)
3/4 c dark(er) corn syrup - non-white basically
1 tsp vanilla
3 eggs

First, prepare your crust, then assemble everything else while that is chilling. I like to use a nice wide bowl, the better to really integrate the butter and shortening. Add the salt to the flour, mix together - I like to use my pastry cutter because less dishes.

Dump in your shortening and butter, work with the pastry cutter or two knives until the mixture looks somewhat like breadcrumbs. I have also been told of another method, wherein you freeze the butter, etc, and then grate it. I am reluctant to try it because it sounds as though some of that butter, etc, would stay stuck on the grater and therefore have no chance of being in my belly, but by all means, someone give it a try and let me know!

Add in the water a tablespoon at a time, stirring the dough with a fork just until the mixture will form into one big clump. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes or until you need to take it out because you just realised it is already after 9 pm on a school night.

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit. Roll the dough out into a 12-inch circle (I have a mat that my sister-in-law gave me, best thing ever because I get a little wonky), dump into a 9 to 9 1/2 inch pie-plate.

Equipment Corner

Make a fancy crust if you like, I've been making pies for 23 years and they still look, um, homemade. Fold it over, crimp it up. Put it in the freezer for 10 minutes. Yes, I know it's like 10 pm on a Monday!

When it's all purty, cover it wih foil and weigh down with beans or pie weights. I use beans because I always have beans. All ways. And I don't like to pay money for stuff you can only use for one very specific thing. Although I may just not be creative enough; what else could we use pie weights for? Ear hole stretchers, that's one! ANYway, bake for 15 minutes.

Remove the foil and beans or weights, cook for another 5 minutes, until you see a little bit of colour. Set on a rack to cool slightly. On to the chocolate!

In a medium saucepan, melt the chocolate and butter in a pan until almost combined. Remove from heat and stir until smooth. Let cool a bit.

Meanwhile, put the sugar, corn syrup, eggs, vanilla in a large bowl, whisk to combine. Take 1 cup of the pecan halves, place in a plastic bag and bash with your rolling pin. I mean, it's right there.

When the chocolate mixture has cooled to the point you can put your hand on it, whisk it into the eggs and syrup mixture. Stir in the bashed and regular pecans. You totally toasted those, right? There is no comparison, if you haven't roasted yours, do so now. I'll wait. 10 - 15 minutes at 350.

 

Islands in the stream, that is what we are...

Pour the chocolate pecan mixture into the pie crust, bake for 45-50 minutes, until it is mostly set, but a little jiggly. Give it a full hour before cutting, baby gets messssy if you don't.

I am not going to do a calorie breakdown, because it would just make me not want to eat it, but then I would anyway and feel bad. Let's not feel bad, let's just have a tiny bit. Some things should not be made low calorie, they should just be made at 11 pm on a Monday night and immediately shipped off to wherever your husband works, especially if they've been asking for round two since Thanksgiving. Just remember this: in the immortal words of Alec Baldwin on SNL: Don't give your pie away with breakfast, makes you look cheap.

Enjoy!